Oriental Lilies

Excerpts from the Sheriff's Report:

1:48 a.m. - Report of a mother-in-law hitting a citizen in the face with a beer bottle.
4:57 a.m. - Report of fire billowing from a train car.  Determined a male sleeping in the train started a fire with a lighter and pizza box to keep insects and mosquitoes away.

12:10 p.m. - Suspicious activity of two males, one with a lemur on his head requesting Viagra.
4:35 p.m. - Report of two males with a monkey in the McDonald's drive-thru asking for sexual enhancement pills.
5:15 p.m. - Neighbor spun his vehicle tires and took off at a high rate of speed.  Officer advised neighbor to be a better influence on society.
5:21 p.m. - Suspicious activity of a white SUV driving around a gate and through the grass at park.  Determined driver and passenger were in a Pokemon competition.
10:54 p.m. - Report of a neighbor saying a citizen's name as she was leaving.