Jack in the Pulpit berries

Excerpts from Sheriff's report:

8:06 a.m. - Report of someone stuffing fishing lures down his pants at Walmart.  (That's got to hurt.)

11:50 a.m. - Welfare check for someone laying in the middle of an intersection.  (Ya think?)

12:28 p.m. - Bear hunter reported he forgot his firearm on the hood of his vehicle and it must have fallen off somewhere on the roadway. (Take this as a sign that you aren't ready for gun ownership.)

1:20 p.m. - Vehicle versus mailbox reported.  (I'm guessing the mailbox didn't put up much of a fight.)

3 p.m. - Report of male standing outside of a window and staring into a business.  (Women call it window shopping.)

4:05 p.m. - Citizen called in that she'd had a lot to drink and an officer should come and arrest her.  Officer advised that she should not want to be arrested and he would not do so.  (Everyone knows how helpful drunks want to be.)

7:52 p.m. - Report of a female knocking on doors to request cigarettes.  (As if smoking wasn't dangerous enough.)

9:11 p.m. - Male kicked out of bar and started throwing eggs at cars.  (Where did he get the eggs?)